Humour

Q:    Why do squirrels swim backstroke?
A:    To keep their nuts dry.

Q:    Why do squirrels sleep on their stomachs?
A:    To keep their nuts warm.

Q:    Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:    To show the squirrel how to do it safely.

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

"Now listen here," the policeman said ...

"Whatever you do to that poor defenceless creature, I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss its butt and let it go."

There were three country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian Church, the Methodist church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will ...

The Methodist group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, they came right back. It was only the Catholics who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.

Now they only see them on Christmas and at Easter.

A father and son go hunting together for the first time. The father says to his son;

"Stay here and be very quiet. I'll just be across the field."

A few minutes later, the father hears a blood curdling scream and runs back to his son.
"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The son answers, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two squirrels crawled up my trouser legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I guess I just panicked...."

A man steps off the curb to cross the street when a car comes round the corner at high speed, heading straight towards him.The man starts to walk faster to make it across the street but the car changes lanes and is still heading straight for him. So the man turns to go back but again the car changes lanes. By now the car is really close and, terrified, the man stands in the middle of the road.

The car swerves at the last moment and screeches to a halt as it pulls up alongside him. The driver of the car rolls down the window and the man is surprised to see that it's a squirrel. The squirrel leans out of the window and says, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"